


An Infallible Plan

by RosingsPark



Series: Of Books and Boyfriends [1]
Category: Hornblower (TV), Hornblower - C. S. Forester
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Horatio's dirty talking is cheesy but effective, M/M, Pre-Slash, Tumblr Prompt, idk guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosingsPark/pseuds/RosingsPark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I could file a complaint for this, you know. Domestic violence and all that.”</p>
<p> “This is hardly domestic violence on my part. You hid the remote control. I say that borders on negligence on your part. Besides," he murmurs, "you could never find proof."</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Infallible Plan

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on the following prompt on imagineyourotp.tumblr.com:  
> Imagine person A refusing to tell person B something. Something silly, like where they hid the remote, or what their middle name is. Person B gets so frustrated that they take action- they seize person A’s hands, pinning them to the wall. Person B’s hands slowly sneak up person A’s shirt as they growl that they have ‘other ways of making them speak’.  
> Much to person A’s surprise/regret, ‘other ways’ was not sexual, but instead a ruthless tickle-attack.
> 
> Usual stuff aplies; not a native speaker etc. Also, un-beta'd, so if you find any big mistakes, tell me and I'll fix it.  
> This AU is part of a modern universe I have in my head. I've already written a fic where they meet and get together and it's very melodramatic and all that. Maybe if I feel like it, edit and post.

“ _Archie,_ ” Horatio hisses, stretching and leaning across Archie’s body, stuffing one of his hands down the side of the couch, feeling nothing but dust and breadcrumbs, and oh god, is that really a sock? Archie grins in reply and smacks Horatio’s arm before he grimaces and pushes Horatio off of him. “Jesus, Horatio. A little more pressure and you’ll break my ribs.”

“If that is what it takes to get the remote back, then I suppose it’s worth it.”

“I could file a complaint for this, you know. Domestic violence and all that.”

Horatio tuts and plants his hand on Archie’s shoulders for support as he swings his upper body back up. “This is hardly domestic violence on my part. You hid the remote control. I say that borders on _negligence_ on your part.” He makes a move as though going in for a kiss, but just at the last moment, he slips his hands off Archie’s shoulder and slides it in between the cushions of the sofa on the other side, hanging awkwardly across Archie’s body. “Besides,”  he murmurs, “You could never find prove.”

Archie chuckles. “Who says I need prove?” He sneaks his hands around Horatio’s waist and hooks a finger through a belt loop on Horatio’s jeans, patiently waiting for him to conclude that there’s no remote control there. “I just need some really stellar rhetorics. I could consult that Cicero you seem to be so fond of,”  he jokes.

“Says the person who thinks he’s adopted because he’s so unlike his parents.”

There is a muffled groan coming from Horatio’s mouth. He has managed to get horizontal, though God knows how, with his arm up to his shoulder in between the seats.

“It’s not theeeere,” Archie says in a singsong voice which is accompanied by a mischievous grin.

Suddenly, Horatio extracts his arm and sits up straight in Archie’s lap, with his legs on either side of Archie’s. He narrows his eyes at him and  his lips form in a thin straight line.

“It’s behind your back, isn’t it?” he concludes, and Archie’s face lights up with a wicked smile, gently biting on his own lip, his eyes shining, and it makes Horatio’s head swim. His eyes dart down to Archie’s mouth, but no. He has more important things to worry about now. Like finding the damned remote control so he can watch his documentary on the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. Because it’s supposed to be A Really Good Documentary.

“Get up,” Horatio commands him, and when Archie answers him with a waggle of his eyebrows, he shoves at his chest. “Get _up_.”

“Never,” replies Archie cheerfully, putting his hands behind his back.

Horatio gives a resigned smile and he frowns for a moment, before saying, “Okay.”

Archie stops grinning. “Okay?”

Horatio nods and hums, his eyes sparkling because he’s pretty sure he has just come up with an infallible plan. “If you don’t want to get up yourself... then I guess I’ll have to do it for you. And you know,” he adds, his voice so low that it’s nearly a whisper, “I can _always_ get you up.”

Now it’s his time to flash a wicked grin as Archie’s breath hitches and his cheeks flush. Horatio’s dirty talk might be shockingly cheesy, but the fact that _Horatio is dirty talking to him_ has never failed to serve its purpose.

Horatio dives for his mouth and, there is no other word to describe it, _ravishes_ him. He fists Archie’s shirt to pulls him closer, taking advantage of his position on his boyfriend’s lap to grind their hips together, which earns him a low moan from Archie, who in turn slips his arms around Horatio’s neck.

So far, all is going well, and he would grin against Archie’s mouth if that wouldn’t rouse suspicion of a double agenda.

As the kiss deepens, Horatio hitches up Archie’s shirt and slides his hands under it, desperate for the bare skin. It will have all the more effect on bare skin. Archie _groans_ and Horatio can’t ignore the fact that maybe, just maybe, snogging him is not the best idea to get the remote back, because the noise he makes goes straight to his groin. But he _really_ wants to watch that new documentary.

So, he follows through with the little plan he had come up with and places his fingers lightly on either side of Archie’s chest, and then, adds pressure and Archie shrieks.

They break apart and Archie gasps for air, kicking his legs and his arms trying to push Horatio’s hands away, laughing and crying out. “’Ratio, stop. _Stop!_ ” he exclaims. “STOP TICKLING ME,” He manages to pick up a pillow and smashes it squarely in Horatio’s face, to which Horatio responds with extra pressure of his fingers.

Archie is trying to writhe away from him, but Horatio has a firm position straddling him and isn’t prepared to give up.

“’ _Ratio_.” Archie is gasping for air and attempting to look angry at Horatio who is enjoying this far too much. “Truce, truce,” he begs, “A truce, _please_. Have mercy.”

Horatio stops for a moment and hears Archie’s breath come raggedly. He leans a little closer, his hands never leaving Archie’s stomach. He nips at Archie’s chin with his nose, and presses a kiss to the side of his mouth. “So, you were saying?”

“A truce,” Archie gasps, his eyes are alight.

“You know my conditions.”

Archie groans. “Remote control.”

“Ahhh,” Horatio makes an appreciative sound as Archie reaches behind him to take the device. “That’s more like it.”

He stretches his arm out to grab it, but Archie pulls back his hand. “No, I have a condition too.”

Horatio tilts his head and cocks an eyebrow. “I don’t think you’re really in a position to demand things.”

Archie scoffs. “And what if I promise you you’ll benefit from it too?”

“Hmm, name your price, then.”

“I’ll give you this, if we can finish what with you started. We can record the documentary and watch it later.”

“I suppose it’s a fair offer. But what do I get out of it?”

“ _What do you_ —” Archie rolls his eyes with a sigh, “Well, for one, I’ll give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had in your life.”

Horatio flushes, because really, Archie looks really beautiful under him and he finds he does not have any objections to postponing the political shifts in Rome in favour of kissing him for a little longer after all. He doesn’t know how fast he can say “Deal”.

Archie responds with a grin and Horatio loosens his grip on him, pulling him up by his hand and leading him to the bedroom, shedding pieces of clothing on the way, documentary all but forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm rather self-conscious about my writing, and writing and posting things is a part of my project to a) improve my writing; b) get over myself. Hope you enjoyed this a bit.


End file.
